I don’t know about you, but I have spent many years of my life trying to understand what ingredients make up a great relationship. I’m not talking only about a romantic liaison, but also about friendships, family or collaborative relationships. However, after some years of trying to solve that mystery, I’ve come to realize that the most important relationship you can have – and the one that determines all your other relationships – is the one with yourself.
Just bring to mind some of the words that include the “self” prefix and you have at hand a repertory of the values/qualities you need to develop, in order to improve your self-relationship: self-love, self-respect, self-confidence, self-compassion, self-trust, self-acceptance, self-esteem and self-care.
Of course there is this other list of words, like self-doubt, self-pity or self-criticism, which one needs to eliminate in order to lead a happy and fulfilled life.
How can I have a good relationship with myself?
The truth is that you are the only one who knows how to make yourself happy. But here are some suggestions that may lead you to the path of enjoying an improved relationship with yourself:
1. Know your boundaries: Learning to say “no” when necessary, not overtiring your body and becoming more eager to listening to your heart’s desires instead of succumbing to other people’s will can generate a powerful feeling of self-esteem and confidence that your whole being will thank you for.
2. Accept and love yourself unconditionally: When you look at yourself in the mirror, tell yourself how wonderful you are and how amazing you look, just the way you are. If you make this practice into a daily habit, you’ll start loving your own image more. Also, pay attention to the words you use to talk to yourself. Make them only words of love, compassion and trust. How would you like your lover to talk to you? You can use the same words to talk to yourself. Accept your difference, as this is your own uniqueness.
3. Know thyself: How well do you know yourself? You could try to spend some more time to figure out who you are, what your values and aspirations are. You can learn more about your emotions, unconscious behaviors and underlying patterns. In this way, you will be able to understand the consequences of your behavior, avoid limiting beliefs that can hurt you and learn from past mistakes.
4. Respect your true wishes and heart’s desires: You are a unique being and you have special talents and qualities that this world truly needs. You have a dharma, a special way of being and acting, which is also determined by your mission on this planet, your life’s purpose. Do not expect from others to understand and celebrate your being. You need to embrace who you are fully and go ahead to make your dreams come true.
5. Learn to trust yourself: Building the right amount of self-confidence is essential. The path to trusting yourself starts from the recognition that you are doing the best you can every day. Show integrity and take action with determination, putting all your trust in who you are, what you know and who you have become so far over the years, gathering experience and knowledge. Forget about any “imposter syndrome” that is whispering in your ear that you are not good enough.
6. Forgive yourself: Very often our inner critic may make us judge ourselves very harshly. Trying to forgive yourself for your past choices, actions and decisions can make a huge and lasting difference in your relationship to yourself. We all deserve a second chance. Why not give this chance to yourself?
We wish you a happy, lasting and wonderful relationship with your exquisite self!